Witnessing to the Truth

So, I've been thinking.  I've been thinking about the vocation to family life and Motherhood.  With the March for Life right around the corner, most people in the Catholic world are vamping up their ever-present support for unborn life, so I, too, have been thinking about what kind of witness I am to the sanctity of life...am I a good witness?...do people look at me and think "wow...that mother really loves her children and her family"?....does my example make others want to value their families more, or be more open to life?  As Catholics, we are called to witness to the truth, and the truth is, life is valuable and worth living - no matter how hard it is.  And, the truth is that it is not up to us to decide whether or not a life is brought into the world...it's God's decision.  But, the hard part is making others see the beauty of raising a family - whether you have 1 or 10.  On the surface, motherhood is anything but glamorous...I mean, the baby literally threw up down my shirt the other day.  My two year old ate something off the floor that she thought was chocolate, but it most certainly was NOT chocolate (what was it doing on the floor, you might ask??...doesn't matter...).  My six year old brings frogs into my house.  My 4 year old is on the verge of learning to communicate using only his bodily functions (what is the deal with boys thinking that is so funny, anyway?!).  And, children need to be disciplined, they make messes that they refuse to clean up, leave their dirty clothes on the floor after being repeatedly told to pick it up, and don't get me started on the sink in the kids' bathroom!  It's a never ending cycle of cooking, feeding, cleaning....lather, rinse, repeat.  But as a mothers, I also know that all those mundane details are SO WORTH it!  The love in a child's eye when they look at you, kissing them good night, hearing them read for the first time, those little hands and feet, baby yawns, the joy of holding a new baby for the first time, hearing them say their first words...there is just so much love for these little people, that it can't fit into your heart, and it can't help but spill out into hugs, kisses, and affection for them.  

But, some days, it's really hard to see past all the grit and grime.  Some days, I feel like I'm in the trenches, and I am the worst witness to motherhood ever.  I yell...it's not pretty.  Many times, when I go out in public, and I have small children climbing all over me, people just think I'm crazy for having all these kids.  They love to tell me just how full my hands are...as if I didn't know that!  And, heaven forbid that I ever complain about how hard things are, because then it's "well, then stop having kids"  Well, I don't want to!  I love my children...I want a big family, but that doesn't mean it's easy all the time.  So, how do we get people to see past the surface, and that by sacrificing so much for our children, we actually gain so much more in return.  It has to be one of life's greatest paradoxes.  But, some people just don't want to see the beauty and the value.  All they want to see is the stuff they would have to give up, and the demand on their time that is too great.  I actually heard a woman on the radio once say that she wanted to have a child, but really wanted to have a surrogate carry the baby for her, because she "didn't have time to be pregnant"!!!  I...what...where does that kind of logic come from?!?!  

I can only do so much in my role as mother.  I can't exactly be present at all the pro-life rallies, and the marches, and travel around doing missions.  My place right now is at home with my little ones.  Much of the time, a mother's sacrifice and effort goes completely unnoticed and unappreciated by the world.  So, for me to be a good witness, even when no one can see it, I have to be joyful...firm, but loving.  And not just for the sake of others, but for the sake of my family.  My husband needs to see me happy and glad that I am part of his family (which, of course, I am...even on the hardest of days I love our life).  My kids need to see that I am honored and over-joyed to have them for my children.  I need to keep in mind that my kids will be adults one day, and the way that I treat them will affect whether or not they will be pro-life.  If they see a mom who completely loves her job as a wife and mother, then they will have respect for life, too.  I can't be a good witness and draw people to the Catholic Faith if my life doesn't reflect joy and happiness, even in the midst of suffering.

A Little Something New

Ok, I just can't keep it a secret any longer!  We are having another baby!!!  This will be number four for us, and I had my first check up today.  And, first check up means that I got to hear the baby's heart beat!  I don't know what it is about hearing your child's heart beat for the first time, but it's an experience and a sound that stays in a mother's heart forever!  It's almost surreal...any fears or concerns or anxieties about being pregnant (because those come with all the happy emotions, too) just kind of disappear when you realize you have a little, tiny life inside you!  It's one of my favorite sounds in the world =)  Our official due date is Christmas Day, which just adds another level of excitement on top of everything.  I'm also VERY nervous about having 4 children.  Their ages will be 6, 4, 2, and newest, so it's a bit intimidating.  But, many families have done this tons of time, so I'm sure all will be well once the fear of the unknown subsides.  The doctor said I'm about 12 weeks and 5 days, which means I'm actually 2 1/2 months along.  I'm not sure why, but doctors like to make you go until you are 40 weeks, which is actually 10 months, instead of 9.  They actually count weeks that you aren't even pregnant!  What the heck is that about?  I've never understood that conundrum!  Nine months is long enough, why do doctors insist on torturing women by adding extra weeks?!?!  Whatever the case may be, I've got a long way to go!  

The fun part, though, was telling the kids that we would be having a new baby.  All Andrew said was "I want a boy baby."  And, he hasn't mentioned anything about the baby since...this was almost a month ago.  I don't think he even remembers.  Natalie didn't believe me at first.  She thought I was joking.  When I finally convinced her that I was, in fact, pregnant, she demanded to know how I knew.  "How can you tell?"  "When I'm married, how will I know when I'm pregnant?"  After a mild heart-attack at the idea of my little girl being married and having babies of her own, I told her not to worry about that until she was old enough to be married!  Then she did a lot of giggling.  Then she got worried that the baby would get cold in my belly.  And worried about how it would get food, and what if it drowned, or got blood all over it, because "don't we have blood in our bodies..what if it gets on the baby?"  The conversation quickly got out of hand, so I switched to names, and if we wanted a boy or a girl!  Oh my gosh!  How did my five-year-old get so curious about these things?!  It was cute, and funny, but I had no idea what to tell her.  I think I mumbled something about telling her when she was older, and right now all we had to think about was how much fun it would be to hold the baby and take care of it.  

I wish I had a cute little ultrasound picture to share, but I'm not scheduled to have my first one until next week, so it will have to wait.  In fact, Natalie was devastated because I had told her that we were going to get to see a picture of the baby today, and when the nurse told us the doctor wasn't doing an ultrasound, I think it just about broke her heart!  I should have known better than telling her something like that without being 100% positive!  Oh well...good things come to those who wait.  Next week I should have new baby pics!!!  

Yay for new life!